Monday, June 1, 2009


"Oh, you're right. And when you're right, you're right. And you - you're always right."
A man in the twilight of his life aims to fulfill a promise he made long ago. But his not so simple plan quickly grows even more complicated as his solemn trip becomes the adventure of a lifetime.
Dear Pixar,
You know what, we get it. You think you make great movies. Are you happy now, I said it. But oh wait, there's an operative word there, think. 'Cause guess what, I got news for you Pixar, you don't!
Take your newest "film", and I use the term loosely. Original inventive story, one that shies away from the standard "Foreign Land" plot devices...Tsk Tsk. What, your to good for the old standards? I mean, where are the indigenous people portrayed as hedonistic cannibals? Nowhere, that's where! How am I supposed to feel like you've brought me somewhere new without the blatant racism and cultural ignorance?
And what the heck is up with your set pieces? Realistic jungle foliage. Beautiful rock formations that look almost like their fashioned after the real thing ...Oh... they are fashioned after the real thing? Well that's my point right there! We're in a recession Pixar. How dare you just hop in your private jets and fly off to South America, I don't care how much it adds to your movie.
And DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON YOUR CHARACTERS!! A bird Pixar, really? A giant bird? Never mind that his movements border on slapstick gold. If "he" can't talk, then "he" can't monologue. And if "he" can't monologue, then how could "he" possibly express motives and emotions? Poor choice. Besides, if I was gonna pick a favorite character from your lame movie it would obviously be Doug the Dog- with his hilariously scatterbrained dialogue... but I'm not picking a favorite character, 'cause your movie was crap. Pure, unadulterated, beautifully structured CRAP.
See what I'm getting at here Pixar? Are you picking up what I'm putting down? Anyone can make screen gem after screen gem if you let them use outrageous and original ideas. You just keep re-packaging the same product- a proprietary adventure that somehow manages to always entertain both kids and the parents who bring them to the theater. A one trick pony, that's what you are, and I'm sick of it. So you and your perfectly formed metaphor for how holding onto the past can hold you back from your future can leave me out of your next fiasco. Call me when you decide to do something new- like make a movie that sucks.

Your friend,
The Reel Deal


Watcher X said...

What is this? Again with no Watcher X?

I like Kevin, and that the main bad dog has a funny voice.... gets me every time!

Watcher X said...

and Doug