"That's why they call it a quip- not a Sloo-ope."
A U.S. Marshall dealing with the baggage of her last post, investigates the first ever murder at the south pole.
I was looking forward to a straight forwqrd murder mystery. No super-soldier syrums or alien artifacts, just a who done it thriler. And on that Whiteout delivers. Unfortunetly, it delivers on nothing else.
Stagnate is one word that comes to mind. Slow is another. And I don't just mean nothing blows up. I mean that there is very little sense of motion in this film, let alone forward motion. For all that goes on in this movie, very little happens. Let me give you an example.
Our main character Marshal Carrie Detko, played by Kate Beckinsale, is introduced to the audience with a long trailing shot that follows her across a make shift airfield and through the winding corridors of a science facility to her personal quarters. Upon entering said quarters we watch her strip down to her underwear and ready herself a shower, which preceeds another minute and a half of foggy oggling before she is interupted by ,your friend and mine, Tom Skerritt and some story actually starts unfolding.
Now you may be asking yourself: "other than a heeping helping of Beckin'bits, what is the point of this sequence?", and if you are then congratulations- your reasonably intelligent. Maybe if you see it you can let me know because I honestly can't make sense of it from any other angle. It's not to show us how horribly cold the south pole is, cause we spend only a few moments out in the cold before we're wandering hallways, and at least twice as much time watching a pointless shower scene. And if cold was the point, then why would the camera not linger on the pile of layers she just shed- rather than following her into the bathroom so we could watch her bend over to start the shower.
Now I'm not playing innocent here, I've a lot of complaints about Whiteout but Kate Beckinsale's body is not one of them. This scene, however, is a perfect example of the lion's share of those complaints. It manages to be long and plodding without perpetuating the story one bit. At times the acting feels a bit stiff. I was surprised and excited to see Colombus Short as we got into the story, only to have that turn to dissapoint since his character manages a decent amount of screen time while still being more or less irrelvant to the story. The soundtrack sounds like something out of a disaster movie, the mystery element isn't much of one... The list goes on- just like Whiteout.
Maybe it was Director Dominic Sena trying to prove he can make a different kind of movie than Swordfish or Gone in 60 Seconds, but all he's really proved to me is that I should quit wasting my money on his movies.
Reel Deal Reccomends:
Snow Angels: For a much better dramatic performance from Kate Beckinsale.
Contact: For more Tom Skerritt.
Stomp the Yard: For Colombus Short in a surprising well done film.
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