Friday, May 7, 2010


Five!! Things Every Super Hero's Significant Other Should Know

So as you surely know if you've turned on a t.v. gone to a 7/11, seen a movie or driven on the highway in that past few months- they've made another Iron Man movie. It opens tomorrow (or today, depending on when I post this) to what I'm sure will be clamoring masses. And yes, I will be among them. Whether or not this second entry manages to rival the Dark Knight in it's pure sequel excellence remains to be seen. But rise or fall, there is a #1 slot that Iron Man 2 is already occupying- most beautiful female lead.

Virginia "Pepper" Potts, a ginger on whom the crush I had was already approaching dangerous levels long before the lovely Ms. Paltrow made her flesh and blood. I can't think of my favorite ex-S.H.I.E.L.D. Director without flashes of the days when these two thrived on a "will they, won't they" roller-coaster ride. And with love interests in mind, I began to think of how hard it must be to the one waiting at home when the world falls apart. So in honor of Pepper and all the other Cape-Lovers out there, here are Five!! things every super Hero's significant other should know.

A Super Hero's significant other should know...

1.) always have a cover story on hand.
This seems obvious but I felt it was still paramount. There's no telling when your going to be put on the spot. And I don't just mean the "She was with me all night Mr. Reporter" kind. The inverse applies too, times will occur when you'll have to not know. "Oh hey random hero I have no personal knowledge of. No, I'm not sure which direction the bank robbers went."

2.) ...that if they start acting funny not to worry- it's a doppelganger... or an evil twin... or a Skrull...
Doesn't recognize life long friends? Doesn't know important facts about your daily lives? Thinks that Wolfy is just fine? Sit tight, and wait for the Calvary- your Love's been replaced! But know that this excuse does not apply to anniversaries and other general knowledge data- your cape is not a get out of jail free card Heroes!

3,) ...that jealous types need not apply.
Have you seen a super hero lately? Most of the men where skin-tight costumes that showcase their chiseled physiques. And the women, uh, tend to where less. You need to be aware that your suped up Mr. or Mrs. is going to be with some of these people all day and sometimes well into the night. If you don't have enough self confidence to shrug it off when you see him on the news with a blond who can bench press a semi and wears a scarf, knee high boots, and the equivalent of a one-piece bathing suit to work everyday, then no matter how much you love him- he may not be the one for you.

4.) ...that eventually you will be kidnapped, shot at, endowed with temporary super powers and/or wished/sucked into an alternate universe/timeline.
Let's face it, at some point everybody brings their work home.

5.) ...that in the end, they love you.
Be they a billionaire inventor, a psychic ninja, the super powered offspring of the world's most beloved hero, or just a college kid in the right place at the right time I think we can all agree that once you become a super hero, your romantic options open up. At the end of they day, they chose you for a reason. You can give them something nobody else can- even if that's just a quiet evening at home after a long day protecting the planet.
So when that super hearing, spider sense, or government ear piece tells them they can't finish dinner, don't take it personally. I guarantee, you wouldn't love them if they could just look the other way.

That's Five!! for this week. Thanks and I'll see you soon with my review of Iron Man 2
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1 comment:

Jason Todd said...

Hey dude, this article was excellent. I loved it because everything about it is so true, I could see Mary Jane, Lois Lane, Pepper Potts, and the other Superhero ladies getting together and discussing this at a book club. But I enjoyed it, and I don't see new movies often, until they hit DVD for the most part so I'm looking forward to more of your reviews. Once again, nice job.