Pandorum

"A phone call from God... if it had been collect it would have been daring."

A crew man awakes aboard his spaceship disoriented and with barely any memory of himself or his mission. He sets out to discover what's gone wrong with the ship- and to regain his missing memories.

I found myself having a lot of trouble writing this review. I pondered the blinking cursor, typed and then erased, got up and came back- but nothing seemed to clear the barrier. Then it dawned on me: My loss word for the review was really an accurate review in itself. My feelings on Pandorum are so mixed I'm not really sure whether I liked it or not.

This I can say for certain: Pandorum starts strong. The first image the audience is shown
is enthralling, and straight off we are put into the shoes of our protagonist, who can't even remember his own name. It is not any sort of spoiler to say to that Pandorum is a noun and the explanation of what exactly it is is done so well and with such intensity that I had to take a breath when it was over. If this movie had ended with the first act, I would be screaming it's praises from a mountain top.
But it doesn't, and despite yet another beautiful performance from Ben Foster- it's in the
second and third acts that the story gets a bit convoluted. It looses the momentum the first act had built up as a very mental mystery story, and introduces a very unnecessary physical aspect. It then uses it's new found sense action to build and execute the climax. Now the truth is the climax is decent. The story wraps up well. But by then I was sitting heartbroken waiting for the sense of dark mystery to return- which it never did. This is where my confliction lays, not in whether it was well done, but whether it could have been done better using the sense of suspense it had originally introduced itself with. Sort of like meeting a girl and going on date after date, only to find out her hair was a wig and she'd been lying about the little details of her life. Sure this other girl may be very like able, but she's not who she claimed to be when you met.
Even with it's strange change of pace, Pandorum is still an enjoyable movie. A few of
it's ideas are truly intriguing, though some of it's big reveals are horribly predictable. Ben Foster really makes movies worth watching in my opinion, because he crafts himself into characters so well. I hope that this is the beginning of more work for him as a leading man, albeit not the brightest one.

Reel Deal Recommends:

3:10 to Yuma: For a chilling performance from the gorgeous Ben Foster.

Five!!: Beautiful "Ugly" Girls

!!Spoiler Warning!!

It was Amanda Seyfried's latest role as Needy in Jennifer's Body that inspired this five, and it was (fittingly) the writers of Not Another Teen Movie that explained it best: "Agh, not Janey. She's got a ponytail, and glasses. She's got paint on her overalls!"

It's the way of showbiz I suppose. The story calls for the nerdy/rebellious/loser girl- a "non-conventional" girl. But it's still Hollywood right? So they cast a 21 year old model to play a high school sophomore and give her, sometimes literally, glasses and a ponytail. Don't forget to make her brunette! There now she's awkward and unapproachable. It would take hell freezing over to make her prom queen... Right?

This of course sets up for the makeover later in the movie, which really just consists of restoring her to the way she looked when she showed up to audition. It's all just metaphors and business I know, but from the outside you have to admit it's pretty funny.

Rachel Leigh Cook- She's All That

One of the most obvious picks I know, but things are only cliche when they work. It's this role that inspired much of Not Another Teen Movies Janey in the first place. One of the reasons I felt this one had to be on the list was the movie poster. For more than half the movie she looks like she does above, but check the movie poster- she's all contacts and halter tops.

Sissy Spacek- Carrie

I suppose times were simpler in 1976. If you wanted an outcast then there was no need for bleach. All

you had to do was keep her pale and spare her the curling iron. Follow these simple steps and she's bound

to be on the outskirts. It was hard to watch her tortured by her peers just because her mom was a bit- strict... Though I don't think any one's feeling any sympathy for her at this point.

Jennifer Garner- Pearl Harbor

Unstoppable double agent, ninja, fashion goddess magazine editor- for Jen Garner it's all of the above. But slap a pair of glasses on her, and put that commercial hair up in a frazzled bun and you've got Nurse Sandra: The flighty nurse who weeps openly for half the movie and spends the other half as wing-man bait.

Emma Stone- The House Bunny

Yes, I've seen The House Bunny...

Mandy Moore- A Walk to Remember

I'll give you a moment to wipe away the tears... I know, two places at once. Returning- they took a bit of the Carrie approach on this one, pale equals who could love her? Well that's a bit of the an understatement- they gave her baggy clothes too.

Another Five!! from the Reel Deal but we both know there are so many more! Let me know if you think of any.

The Reel Deel Presents:

A Haiku Review

Surrogates

A stilted story

A humdrum experience

A bad choice, Willis

Jennifer's Body

"She's gonna EAT ME!!"


Needy and Jennifer have been friends for as long as they can remember and are now making there way through highschool from completely opposite ends of the social food chain. But after a fateful night out, a change comes over one of them that may well alter things forever... and the other is killing classmates.


Like a great deal of movie goers- judging from the box office earnings of this film- I dismissed it out of the gate as nothing more than another cog in the "Megan Fox is SOOOO HOTT!" propaganda machine. As one of the three heterosexual males who disagree, I figured it had nothing to offer me. But then a sort of morbid curiosity came over me. 'What if it's good?' 'What if there's something their not telling us?' Well it was- and there is.
Metaphor is like the game Othello: it takes only a minute to learn, but can take a lifetime to master. Used simply, its impact follows suit. But in skilled hands, it can allow an artist to tell a simple, everyday story in the grandest of terms. This is the basic theory behind Jennifer's Body- a story that plays out in high schools everywhere told in fantastic font.
And speaking of skill- it wasn't until I heard the word "Chester" used as a verb that I realized I recognized the writing style. Jennifer's Body is the second feature penned by Diablo Cody, who's style now more than ever reminds me of Kevin Smith: Often outrageous, occasionally contrived, but always smart, funny, and emotionally relevant. Her first screenplay was the acclaimed (and now award laden) Juno. I can't say that knowing this movie was from the same writer as Juno would have eased my doubts about seeing it, but I can say that Jennifer's Body will make me look past any doubts I might have about Cody's next project.
The award winners script is certainly not lost on the cast, who offer it to the audience with conviction. Yes, even the usually vapid Megan Fox finds a bit of range, though admittedly she seems much more at home playing the seductress than the high schooler. Jennifer's Body may be marketed on the media darling, but it's delivered by Amanda Seyfried, who continues to prove that her jump to the big screen as the empty headed Karen in Mean Girls was merely a means to an end, not an insight. I look forward to more from this one... as long as they're not musicals that is.
Evoking memories of the 80's classics Lost Boys, and Heathers, it could be a post-modern mix of the two, only much smarter. It flickers occasionally, my first thought is of a scene near the climax which just felt a bit forced, but these moments are few and far between. There really aren't many complaints to be had, though I feel the need to mention that the entire idea behind Low Shoulder is one of the funniest things I've heard in quite a while. Word of warning though: Horror fans may find themselves a bit disappointed. Elements abound, but this movie is much stronger as a black comedy than a horror.
And as if all that praise wasn't enough- J.K. Simmons is in it!


Watcher X says: "She was lighting her tongue on fire for fun- of course she was evil!"


Reel Deal Recommends
Mean girls: Then come back and watch this Jennifer's Body. It's like a before and after picture.
How to Lose Friends and Alienate People: For Megan Fox in a comfortable roll.
I Love You Man: Latest in a long line of awesome from J.K. Simmons.

Whiteout

"That's why they call it a quip- not a Sloo-ope."

A U.S. Marshall dealing with the baggage of her last post, investigates the first ever murder at the south pole.

I was looking forward to a straight forwqrd murder mystery. No super-soldier syrums or alien artifacts, just a who done it thriler. And on that Whiteout delivers. Unfortunetly, it delivers on nothing else.
Stagnate is one word that comes to mind. Slow is another. And I don't just mean nothing blows up. I mean that there is very little sense of motion in this film, let alone forward motion. For all that goes on in this movie, very little happens. Let me give you an example.
Our main character Marshal Carrie Detko, played by Kate Beckinsale, is introduced to the audience with a long trailing shot that follows her across a make shift airfield and through the winding corridors of a science facility to her personal quarters. Upon entering said quarters we watch her strip down to her underwear and ready herself a shower, which preceeds another minute and a half of foggy oggling before she is interupted by ,your friend and mine, Tom Skerritt and some story actually starts unfolding.
Now you may be asking yourself: "other than a heeping helping of Beckin'bits, what is the point of this sequence?", and if you are then congratulations- your reasonably intelligent. Maybe if you see it you can let me know because I honestly can't make sense of it from any other angle. It's not to show us how horribly cold the south pole is, cause we spend only a few moments out in the cold before we're wandering hallways, and at least twice as much time watching a pointless shower scene. And if cold was the point, then why would the camera not linger on the pile of layers she just shed- rather than following her into the bathroom so we could watch her bend over to start the shower.
Now I'm not playing innocent here, I've a lot of complaints about Whiteout but Kate Beckinsale's body is not one of them. This scene, however, is a perfect example of the lion's share of those complaints. It manages to be long and plodding without perpetuating the story one bit. At times the acting feels a bit stiff. I was surprised and excited to see Colombus Short as we got into the story, only to have that turn to dissapoint since his character manages a decent amount of screen time while still being more or less irrelvant to the story. The soundtrack sounds like something out of a disaster movie, the mystery element isn't much of one... The list goes on- just like Whiteout.
Maybe it was Director Dominic Sena trying to prove he can make a different kind of movie than Swordfish or Gone in 60 Seconds, but all he's really proved to me is that I should quit wasting my money on his movies.

Reel Deal Reccomends:
Snow Angels: For a much better dramatic performance from Kate Beckinsale.
Contact: For more Tom Skerritt.
Stomp the Yard: For Colombus Short in a surprising well done film.

Gamer

"Are you not entertained?!"

Death row inmates allow another person to control them in violent skirmishes in hopes of attaining enough victories to earn their freedom. When one comes close to doing so, it sparks a much bigger battle.

The newest of the "Modern Colosseum" movies (more on that later), Gamer delivers a very original spin on the old standard for this sub-genre. Unfortunately, it seems it spent all of it's originality on it's science fiction, because the story itself is incredibly predictable.

The performances are strong however. Indeed, not one character feels short changed as far as portrayal here. Short changed in terms of development, however, is another story. Fans of Michael C. Hall will take great pleasure in the un-arguably odd character he's crafted here. Gerard Butler does what he does best, emanating power and an intangible sensitivity at the same time. And anyone following him from his performance in the hit 300 will not be disappointed. The action in Gamer is brutal, and I don't just mean bloody. The bare knuckle fight scenes had me wincing (a sign of quality) and the game sequences were impressively detailed.

Beyond these two all the rest of the characters, though well acted as I said earlier, are so poorly developed 90 lbs. middle schoolers would laugh in their general direction... And as I sat there wondering how I went from praise to image evoking insults in so little time, it occurred to me that that really was the experience this movie left me with. What it did well (it's action, it's intensity, and it's oddly original underlying plot) it did extremely well, and everything else seemed to just fall by the way side. Although this movie was written and directed by Mark Neveldine and Bryan Taylor, the same team that brought us the Crank and Crank 2: High Voltage. And if there is any defining characteristic to those two films it's their action, their intensity, and their oddly original underlying plots... Sounds familiar doesn't it?

Gamer was entertaining, let there be no question there. But reflection brings a craving for more exploration. There's some very clever commentary on what entertains us as a people in this movie, but by the end you assume it must just be you, as that every time they were offered a chance to explore this- they chose to blow something (or someone) up instead. Maybe that's just what I need to come to expect from these two: Lots of thunder and lots of lightning, but very little rain.

Watcher X says: Mmm... Gerard Butler

Reel Deal Recommends:

300: For Gerard Butler, satisfying action, and a story that's skin and bones on purpose.

Dexter: For a great series that showcases Michael C. Hall.

Upon Further Review: The Dark Knight

Warning: Cheesy comic book references ahead.

Watcher X and I just sat down with the Blu-ray player and had my second viewing of The Dark Knight and, I must say, things have changed. And I mean more than just the fact that I've been living in Chicago for much longer at this point- which makes this movie that much more gratifying. It occurs to me however that most people have no clue what I mean by "changed"- so for those of you who don't know me, I'll catch you up. You see, The Dark Knight hit theaters before the Reel Deal was remade into it's current incarnation. Or, as I like to call it, The Reel Deal: Rebirth.

I had complained about the length of this film when I first saw it. I felt that it ran a little long without justifying it's length for reasons beyond awesomeness, and offered up the Tokyo sequence as a sacrifice to the gods of pacing. At this point, I think I've proven that I'm not afraid to admit when I'm wrong, and on this I was dead wrong.

Not only did the length and pacing feel right on the money the second time around, but - and I'm not really sure how I let this slide the first time- I think the Tokyo sequence is really a pivotal plot point here. The biggest question in the movie is Batman's place in the spectrum of right and wrong, lawful and illegal. We spend two and a half hours pondering this, which of course is all pointing like a neon arrow to the end, which I won't spoil here.

This sequence really hammers home the truth of batman's place in Gotham: He is for the law, but not of the law- which allows him to serve the law (and Gotham) in ways nobody else can. This truth highlights Harvey Dents place in the story, and also serves to further illustrate how Batman and Gordon are completely opposite sides of the same (ahem) coin.

Speaking of which, I'd like to digress for a moment if I can: Watching The Dark Knight, and it's predecessor Batman Begins, I've found myself reminded of Star Wars. I know, I know, touchy subject. But before you start lighting molotovs hear me out. With the Star Wars movies, even though it's always been the Skywalkers who were on display (Anakin early in the series, Luke and Leia later on), I've always found Obi-Wan the more interesting character. It's his part in the series that really draws me in. With these newest Batman movies I find myself having the same reaction to Gordon.

Bruce/Batman is the focal point, but it's Gordon's strands that make the rope so interesting. If the Batman is the skeleton of this series, I would say Gordon is the heart, Fox is the brain, and Alfred is the soul. Those three characters really jump off the screen to me. They elevate an already spectacular series, and allow the viewer new angles from which to observe the story. They also Humanize Bruce/Batman, keeping us connected to him.

Even with the pacing complaint, I was very, VERY, pleased with The Dark Knight the first time I saw it. On that alone I would have justified it's purchase. Now, after the second time through, I am that much more satisfied with my investment.

Upon Further Review

Subject: The Dark Knight

Status: Upgraded. (Beyonce would be proud)