TiMER (2009)

It's rare to find a movie where romance is done right. Even more rare to find one where romance is examined as much as it is experienced. So it seems we've found the perfect word to describe TiMER, a romantic comedy starring Emma Caulfield (of Buffy the Vampire Slayer fame), and written, produced, and directed by first timer Jac Schaeffer.

Caulfield stars as Oona O'leary, a 29 year-old woman who's still waiting to meet Mr. Right. But in her contemporary world there exists a thing called the TiMER, a small device implanted at the wrist that counts down until the day you and your potential soul-mate will first meet. While some people find they have decades until their love arrives, and others mere hours, Oona's TiMER is blank- and has been for years.

I'm tempted to call this movie ambitious for the way it pays more attention to it's characters than most movies with romance at their core. Schaeffer's script is not only interested in, but designed for examining love- rather than just chasing it at a flat out sprint. Then I realize that it's not ambitious to do something right, it's just seldom seen and therefore all the more enjoyable. In 99 minutes of honest storytelling TiMER creates more interesting and human characters then 99% of the candy-coated Katherine Heigl romance movies that are released every year.

Though far from a morality tale, TiMER brings a meaningful message about what's more important than finding love, one rarely seen on the silver screen. It's scenes occasionally struggle with internal pacing, but overall it shines- especially for a first effort. It's sense of humor is cute without being cutesy, it's sense of drama as assertive, not aggressive. Sprinkle in the occasional soundtrack gag and you've got a winner. Jac Schaeffer's TiMER is well worth a movie night, and I can only hope he makes more gems like this as follow ups.

Sucker Punch

"So what's the BAD news?"

Immediately upon the lights coming up in the theater, Watcher X turned me and announced- with a sort of breathless excitement that tells of a long wait: "That. Was. Terrible!" I chuckled but gave no other response. I have a personal rule that I don't discuss movies until I'm out of the building. Usually this rule serves two purposes: The first is to protect me from realizing my mortal fear of spoiling the movie for someone who's heading in to see it. The second, is because I'm always curious about people's gut reactions to films. Excited utterances that can only be witnessed in the minutes directly following a screening. This time, however, I must admit there was more to my silence.

I like to think that by the time the big day came, anyone who was paying attention knew not to expect greatness from Sucker Punch, Zack Snyder's newest, biggest, boldest, and in the end worst film. It had all the warning signs: Trailers that couldn't seem to tell us anything about the story, critic screenings delayed until the very last minute, interviews with cast and crew seemingly defending the project before it even released- the list goes on. But when the rock music started and the credits rolled, I still found myself surprised. Not by it being bad, but why it was bad. I certainly did not foresee this movies biggest flaw being the it's plot had too much going on, and yet there we were.

Played by Emily Browning, Baby Doll is a twenty year-old woman who still wears her hair in pig-tails (that's a main plot point right there,write that down). Her mother, upon her death, leaves all of her assets to Baby Doll and her younger sister- much to the horror of their wicked step-father. In a drunken rage he makes clear his intentions to collect what he feels he's owed from the girls personally, and when Baby Doll fights his advances he turns to her younger sister. Baby Doll comes to defend her and in the ensuing struggle sister is killed, step-father is shot, and Baby Doll is sent on her way to the insane asylum. All of this is told via an opening montage that serves as a perfect example of everything Snyder is known and loved for. His choice of music maybe a bit overt, but still wonderfully wielded as he weaves an incredible amount of information into the few opening minutes of his film.

It's when we arrive at the insane asylum however, that things begin to to take a turn for the worst. We watch as Baby Doll's step-father pays off corrupt orderly to make sure she's lobotomized and there for unable to point the finger at him, within earshot of the her no less. But as horrible as we may feel for her, after two additional realities laid over the original you'll find yourself shifting uncomfortably in your seat and starting to loose sympathy due to sheer distraction. The inherent story Snyder (who also co-wrote with Steve Shibuya) is trying to tell is one of young women wielding the the very thing their captors want to exploit as a weapon to enact their escape. This is a story I find incredibly interesting, and it's potential as a spectacular movie is what made it so hard for me to let this film go on it's merry way to a thumbs down as I left the theater. But this kernel of greatness is buried too far beneath the rubble of this over written, over thought film that it can't be salvaged, let alone appreciated.

This is the essence of Sucker Punch: a handful of ideas that really truly intrigue, hopelessly out numbered by the legions of ideas that don't. They subdue their interesting brethren, drowning them in a quagmire of poorly explored plot points and pushy, faux inspirational monologues. And on top of it all, Snyder serves us his trademark brand of visually arresting action sequences. But, where 300's action is a three course meal served to you in generous but digestible portions, Sucker Punch is John Doe tying your hands and ankles with barbed wire and force feeding you until you vomit, plead for you life, and eventually burst.

The performances are enough to carry the "story", but none among the characters that actually matter bring anything amazing to table. Scott Glenn very quickly goes from forgettable to down right annoying as the shoehorned Wise Man, who not only seems to serve a purpose that could have been realized with infinitely more relevance to the story, but may well have been written completely from fortune cookie quotes. The Wise Man is not the only thing that seems out of place in Baby Doll's fantasy world (within a fantasy world). While a great deal of the imagery is pulled from sources in her true reality, still more seems completely unexplained- which strikes me as just lazy.

There will be a lot of talk about how this is Zack Snyder's first project based off an original script and I'm well aware of the implications. However, let's not forget that this is the same man who ,with 300, made what may very well be the only movie based off a graphic novel to completely outshine it's source material. This is the director who managed to adapt Watchmen and not only avoid massacring it, but hand in a damn good final project. Most impressively, this is the man who, in a world of remakes gone wild and horribly wrong, gave us proof that they aren't always a thing to be feared with Dawn of the Dead.

The only conclusion to draw here is that, like many first time writers, Snyder let his excitement and love for his project override his good sense. Of course, no resume or excuses can rescue Sucker Punch from it's fate as a (well earned) flop- nor should they. But one misfire does not an M. Night make, and you better believe that when Snyder's next original hits theaters I'll be there, waiting to decide my opinion when the light's come up. Potential should not condone failure, but it should earn second chances.

Real Deal Recommends:
The Uninvited: Browning in an under appreciated thriller.
Dawn of the Dead: The very definition of what a remake should be.
Hunt for Red October: Glenn in spectacular Clancy adaptation.

Quickie: Battle: Los Angeles

Have you ever watched someone try to be "cool"? It's excruciating. Especially when it's a good friend. The wide smile that you know is really a grimace, the bead of sweat the belies how much effort is really going into trying to make all the right jokes or references. And because your on the outside looking in, you know that no one is buying it- but the horror show continues.

Battle: Los Angeles tries so hard. But where our sad friend above tried so hard to be cool, B:LA attempts desperately to be emotional. It's like Director Jonathon Liebesmen and writer Chris Bertolini knew that everyone would peg their project as an empty headed action movie- and so they force fed it all the heart-related tropes they could fit (and a few they couldn't) in hopes of proving the would be detractors wrong.

If you've ever seen a war film you already know everything you need to know about these "characters". They are a hodge podge of wartime personailties that monologue and sacrifice themselves in all the same ways as their predecessors. Each has a back-story established in one minute or less, meant only to make you miss them when they're gone, which you won't. Most of the performances are well done if not a bit bare bones, especially Aaron Eckhart who seems unwilling to let his one shade character lay still.

Going into B:LA I told Watcher X that it couldn't possibly be worse the Skyline, which was literally made up of set pieces and story lines cut and pasted from every alien invasion movie ever made. I wouldn't say that I was wrong, B:LA is certainly not worse then the broken Skyline, but it suffers from the same basic issues. Where Skyline assembled itself from used sci-fi action parts, B:LA relies on (overly) tried and true emotional parts -with a few very recognizable action moments to boot. But both are so crammed full of recycled material that the stretch marks start to show before the halfway mark.

It's a common enough story- well advertised in no way means well made. Like anyone who tries hard to be something their not, this movie over shoots it's target and lands far on the other side- in new territory but still nowhere near where it wanted so desperately to end up. While certainly enjoyable, Battle: Los Angeles is far from a must have, or even a must see. If your looking to pad your personal sci-fi portfolio then it may serve you well- but innovation seekers need not apply.

Theme Song Thursday!

Night Court. So many nights awake with only Judge Stone, Bull and the rest of the gang to keep me company. This is a theme song I can still recall on command (with sound effects).

Enjoy!


And for the education of all of you who may not be familiar with Night Court (and for the enjoyment of all who are) I've posted an episode clip below. I chose this clip for a few reasons- the first being that picking a clip gave me an excuse to spend half the night watching old episodes. But this clip not only showcases the shows often dark humor, it also features Star Trek: The Next Generation's Brent Spiner. Which brings us to another show I used to watch well into the wee hours of the night... But that's for another day.

Long live John Larroquette!


Thanks to Spudtv, and Alacritous

The Lincoln Lawyer

"The greater good? I am the greatest good your ever gonna get!"

At first glance there is little to set The Lincoln Lawyer aside from it's many peers. At second glance you'll realize that you had it right at first glance. The movie just has too many shortfalls to make it into long-term memory. But who says it has to? How many times have we accepted entries in other genres (action is a shining example) singing that old song: "It was a good time." Say what you want about The Lincoln Lawyer- but it at least delivers a good time.

Mathew McConaughey stars as Mick Haller, a cut throat defense lawyer who operates solely out of the back of his Lincoln town car. As sure as I will never spell his name correctly on the first try, you can go into any Mathew McConaughey movie and know that no matter what else he may or may not be (clothed being a decent example) he will most assuredly be charming. They say you should always play to your strengths, and I am man enough to admit that this is one of his. It seems now he's attempting to step away from his position as professional charmer with The Lincoln Lawyer, his first attempt at drama since 2000's U-571. Granted, Lincoln Lawyer is tilted in his favor, as the role calls mainly for charm, sprinkled lightly with drama here and there for flavor.

McConaughey pours on his trademark brand of smooth, but cannot seem to come up with a matching offering in the second department. His dramatic scenes definitely earn a pass on the pass/fail scale, but his effort is obvious and at times even distracting. The same can be said for Ryan Phillippe as the resident bad guy. He excels as the impeccably groomed, unspeakably spoiled rich kid, and shines the brightest when his character is feigning innocence and begging for mercy. But he falls hurtfully short as the remorseless predator, and when he can't seem to tie them all together the character is irrevocably stunted. While the rest of the cast feels a bit wasted for all their talent, I must mention that Michael Pena turns in two distinct and enjoyable performances. Every time I see him I'm left wanting more.

Where story fails to impress, Lincoln lawyer compensates with energy- the one thing it seems to have in spades. We are moved between scenes with a speed just this side of urgent, which in other films might be a complaint, but here serves the overall production well. There are certainly no moments of reflection waiting for you in The Lincoln Lawyer, but they would only slow down a movie that seems to thrive on speed. From the moment the lights go down (or rather twenty minutes after that moment since the abundance of commercials and trailers is a foregone conclusion) your in for an enjoyable but very rocky ride. From the highs of McConaughey's swagger to the lows of ridiculous subplot resolution, one thing is for sure: you won't be checking your watch.

Reel Deal Recommends:
A Time To Kill: Proof that a bad ending doesn't have to kill a great movie.
Breach: Philippe in a spectacular ensemble.
Lions for Lambs: An underrated movie starring Michael Pena

Role Call: Aaron Eckhart

Role Call is not a post about a persons strongest work or best work. Just their work that- for whatever reason- is on my mind, and why.

No, not that guy from Deep Blue Sea. Aaron Eckhart strikes me as one of those talented actors that, for whatever reason, everyone knows the face of but people rarely know the name of. Still, whether you know his name or not, his resume is undeniable. He's given us drama with the over-nominated under-awarded Rabbit Hole. He befriended Hero genre fans with his spectacular turn in The Dark Knight. He blew me away (pun intended) with Thank You for Smoking, effectively a one man show with him at the epicenter. And if you have romance on your mind, try Possession on for size. Starting today you can see him fight to save humanity inBattle: Los Angeles, but the title I'm recommending features him in a fight to save the entire planet. That's right ladies and gentlemen, I'm talking about the 2003 disaster film The Core.

It's easy to dismiss as a Roland Emmerich knock off, and it's certainly not based on the strongest science in cinema history. But to all of you willing to completely discount this title, i ask that you take a look at the cast, even beyond the aforementioned Mr.Eckhart: two time Oscar winner Hillary Swank, Oscar nominee Stanely Tucci, Oscar nominee Richard Jenkins, Delroy Lindo, Bruce Greenwood, Tcheky Karyo- the writers may be in doubt but the casting directors were on their game. Academy nobility and hollywood C-listers, you can't lose.

So I suggest you grab some friends, pop in this rental, and watch the world end. Then you can hit the theater and watch it end, again.

Thanks to grannysrcool

The Adjustment Bureau

"I know that's what it looks like, but it's not. I can't explain to you why..."

In my review of Splice I said: "The trailers are telling you that Splice is just waiting to be the next Alien, a horror thriller that will keep you up at night with fear of what's crawling through your air ducts. The trailers are lying to you." It's not all that uncommon, trailers that pitch what they feel is the most widely appealing vision of a film instead of an honest representation. With Splice, it was obvious that they pitched the movie as a horror-thriller for fear that no one would come out to see the intense morality tale that the ended up being. But what about the movies where the trailer isn't meant to mislead. Where the story contained is really just that hard to explain? Enter The Adjustment Bureau.

Based (very loosely) on a short story by Philip K. Dick, The Adjustment Bureau makes up for what it lacks as an adaptation by taking Dick's basic idea and developing it into a full length feature film that tells one of the best romance stories I've watched in a long long time. As I sat in the theater I was reminded of one of my favorite romance films, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Not because the movies are alike or follow the same paths- but because they both use science fiction mechanics to propel an incredibly human and authentic look at how relationships rise and fall, and the way they affect the course of our lives.

At the center of the story are Matt Damon as David Norris, a politician running for state senate, and Emily Blunt as Elise Sellas, a talented ballet dancer; a chance meeting between the two that sets the story rolling. It's simple fact that any story of romance lives and dies by the heat of it's leads, and the onscreen chemistry between Damon and Blunt burns bright enough viewers might leave with the theater with a tan. Rooting for them comes naturally within moments of their first exchange, and that's all you need to be completely committed for the rest of the run time. The film also brings us another great performance from Anthony Mackie, a rising star I've been very vocal about wanting more from.

While the tone and the details of the journey your going to be taken may be hard to nail down in a trailer, once you understand the kind of story being told you will have no doubt how it ends. This is more a simple observation than a complaint. An endings predictability does not automatically disqualify it outright. The Adjustment Bureau's ending works as a conclusion, whether you'll be talking about it three weeks from now or not. if not, the movie will still leave you with more than enough to chew over with a fellow movie goer down the line.

It's very easy for me to add Adjustment Bureau to a list of recommendable films. As well as my list of "romance movies that are still romantic without being formulaic", and "movies that prove science fiction is more than aliens and spaceships". It may not be the taught "Big Brother" thriller the trailers would have believe it is, the film is almost better off for it. What a movie like this needs is word of mouth, though I'm sure a large part of that will be the inevitable (and in my opinion pointless) religious debates that will ensue. So see the movie, and then tell other people to see the movie. The Adjustment Bureau deserves an audience.

The Reel Deal Recommends:

Sunshine Cleaning: Blunt in a sub-plot that outshone the main.

The Good Shepherd: One of Damon's most complicated performances.

The Hurt Locker: Mackie boils in a film that won Best Picture for a reason.

I Am Number Four

"But it's an easy fix. One line of dialogue. 'Thank God we invented the'- you know- 'whatever device."

I'm not going to pretend I don't know how the world works. I understand that most people go to the movies to watch beautiful people do extraordinary things. It's the same reason why even characters labeled as "ugly" by the totality of a films population are still played by the gorgeous and fit. So it doesn't bother me seeing yet another Abercrombie and Fitch model play a lonely outcast. Nor does it bother me to see another gorgeous twenty-something play a high school student. What bothers me is that I Am Number Four stars both Alex Pettyfer and Timothy Olyphant as two of the last remaining members of an alien species hiding out on earth, and apparently we're just supposed to take their word for it.

It's a long standing pet peeve of mine- call it creative laziness: movies that silently assert the ridiculous idea that a species of being that develops in a complete different atmosphere with completely different environmental and zoological stimuli would end up looking physically identical to humans. Most creative teams have the decency to take the two minutes it requires to insert some sort of explanation; advanced camouflage technology or abilities, some sort of DNA splicing- these are the most popular. A bit lazy themselves maybe, but better than nothing.

By comparison, Roddenberry, while the better part of his aliens tend to walk upright with two arms and two legs, took the time to at least do some make-up work. Changes in skin color, prosthetic bone formations on the face and body, even fake antennae on the tops of heads. To ice the cake they inserted a storyline that explained all the similarities as part of the cannon. Lucas (grumble grumble) may not have ever explained why humans a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away were exactly the same as humans here and now, but he certainly made sure they looked different than the rest of the races there.

You may be reading this thinking: 'Okay we're three paragraphs into this review and we're still talking about what isn't in the movie as opposed to what is.' And your thinking right. Normally, this "detail" would be something I would simply notice or call attention to briefly, but then I would move on to the rest of the movie. Unfortunately, whether or not you've seen I Am Number Four, you already know everything else about it.

Typical high school hero fare, complete with quarter backs telling gorgeous loners to stay away from their girl, powers being discovered for the first time on campus, and a character whose last words are encouragement to go face one's destiny. Hero stepping in to protect the "nerd" from football playing antagonists? Check. Scene where students eat lunch on the grassy expanse of the high school's grounds? Aye-Aye. Awkward attempt to make the hero showing his powers to the love interest romantic? Done and done. I can't imagine any of this would come as an insult to the three writers billed for this screen play, since it seems rather obvious that originality was never their goal. "Let's get this thing banged out by noon, I have a lunch meeting with Kristen Stewart's agent about the next Nicholas Sparks movie" I can hear one of them saying.

I Am Number Four is a paint by numbers venture built atop an interesting but poorly executed back story. Though admittedly fun, the movie is just as forgettable. I've never read the the book (of the same name) that it's based on, but I can only hope for the authors' sake that this movie is a poor representation. Given that I Am Number Four is already generating profit though it hasn't even been in theaters a full month, the open ending of the movie, and the existence of additional books in the series to milk adapt, I would say this humdrum title won't be the last we here of John Doe... yes they really did name him that. If a sequel does come, one thing is for sure, it certainly won't have been awarded on merit.

The Reel Deal Recommends:

Dreamcatcher: Olyphant in a great cast; based on a novel by Stephen King.

Unknown

"But what I do have are a very particular set of skills..."

Liam Neeson is one of the actors on my A-list. Unlike the mainstream A-list, mine has little to do with how famous you are, or how much money you make. Mine is reserved for actors, actresses, directors, etc. who- despite how good or bad the movie as a whole may be- never (or extremely rarely) fail to deliver. Anyone can end up in a bad production, but if you bring your A game no matter what, than that's the list you'll be on.

Let me be clear- Unknown, is not a bad production. All in all it's a very entertaining film, but it falls short of the next level where movies go from watchable to recommendable. The reason it falls short is it's lack of clear direction. The story of Unknown is a thriller; unfortunately Unknown doesn't seem to know that (that joke is just to obvious so I'm going hold my tongue). And so, identity thrown to the wind, Unknown starts to grope blindly through a treasure trove of intrigue movies, trying desperately to find a mantle that fits. A dark psychological mystery? A gritty who-done-it? A race against time, assassin romp? Unknown tries, but can't seem to make any one fit with or over the others.

There are rather blatant attempts to force Bourne-style action, but they must indeed be forced because on their own they just don't fit. This is an unfortunate truth about Unknown; that it will inevitably be compared to The Bourne series. That the movies have certain themes in common there is no doubt, that should have been all the more reason to take Unknown deeper into the thriller/intrigue realm, instead of trying to emulate the "trade mark" action of a movie that's just barely it's narrative peer. Especially when, in the course of attempting said emulation, one is forced to sacrifice screen time for the more interesting parts of the story you have.

Without question, the brightest sub-plot to suffer for these extended action sequences is that of Bruno Ganz as ex-Stasi agent Ernst Jurgen. Through his cool and calm portrayal of the retired spy, Ganz steals each and every scene he appears in. While the mystique surrounding his character is a large part of the appeal, it seems an extraordinary waste that he comes and goes as fast as he does. In a screenplay that seems to lurch and jerk as it tries to fit into so many different skins, Jurgen is smooth and confident, with a yoda-like slow gate that oozes wisdom and power. Despite all the big reveals and action set pieces, it's this character's final scene that stands out as the must see moment of this film.

Beside Bourne, the other inevitable, and unfortunate, comparison that will be made with Unknown is Taken. Unfortunate because what made Taken such a succulent, enjoyable movie was it's purity. It knew exactly what it was, and so wasted little time on filler or side dishes. Because of this, the little time it does waste is forgivable. This is a trait Unknown could never match. It doesn't know what it is- and so it tries to be too many things. I wouldn't call it a waste of ticket money (If you appreciate Mr. Neeson like I do, you won't be disappointed), but I'd have a hard time pointing to it over some other titles above the box office. Unknown is a perfect example of the old figure of speech: Jack of all trades, master of none.

Reel Deal Recommends:

Taken: Neeson commands the screen; the action is apt and delicious.

Downfall: Ganz' spectacular turn as the most infamous man in history.

Theme Song Thursday

I've always been oddly talented when it comes to remembering theme songs, and my mother always told me to share my talents. Thus Theme Song Thursday is born. No these jingles may not have much to do with cinema, but each one will speak to formation of the brain that brings you all of The Reel Deal reviews and posts.

One random day last month this theme song jumped into my head, and I've been singing it ever since. Now it's your turn! Many an elementary school weekend afternoon was spent sing along to this music. As an interesting note, years later I would realize that my strange and rarely admitted to love of Christine Taylor was born on this very dude ranch.

Enjoy!

Thanks to cool245flashmail for the post.

I bought that for a dollar!

If you haven't heard about the statue of Robocop that has been proposed (and denied) in the city of Detroit then I honestly have know idea how you can be reading this without your airways closing since you're obviously allergic to the Internet. Nonetheless, I'm glad you chose to stop by my humble blog- though you were probably trying to get somewhere else but were to woozy to type straight with all that Benadryl in your system.

Here's a quick recap: Dave Bing, Mayor of Detroit, asked an open ended question to the Internet and is now paying the price. Upon asking for ideas on how he could clean up the city, one twitter user suggested that they erect of statue of the Silver Servant himself- Robocop. Bing, being of sound mind and body, declined the idea. Unfortunately nobody could hear him over the sound of wildfire. Now the entire thing has progressed so far as to see the birth of a fund raising website (via Kickstart) devoted to corralling the needed funds to commission an artist to build said statue, which would then be erected in a public art space. Now normally I silently bare witness to an event like this- mentioning my more entertaining thoughts to those I choose to confide in; i.e. Watcher X and Kello. However, this story has two things that most Internet spread, movie related stories do not: Detroit, and Robocop.

Growing up my entire family lived in Detroit, and most still live in the surrounding area. This could well have something to do with why I took to Robocop so quickly as a child. Every other rated R movie I was exposed to reduced me to such a state of shivering terror that I could barely walk straight, let alone sleep at night. But I've been an adoring fan of Bob Morton, Clarence Boddicker and the gang since before I can remember- literally- despite mutant road kill and shotgun amputated arms. Which is why I went on down to the official website and made my donation as soon as I could (while still verifying that the site was legit). The minimum is $1, so even the young and monetarily challenged can rally around the Metal Marshal.

If you'd like serve the public trust, protect the innocent and uphold the law yourself, head over to Detroitneedsrobocop.com. There you can read the whole story, revel in the fact that the site exists, and make your own donation.

Company Men

"You know what the real tragedy here is Bob? We could have been friends."

The first poster I ever saw for Company Men had a tag line on it that read: "In America, we give our lives to our jobs. It's time to take them back." I have no idea what this statement has to do with the movie Company Men. This is not a movie about realizing your worth outside of work. If anything, it's study on how low losing your job can bring you when you define yourself by what you do. This is a perfect example of the kind of decisions writer and first time feature film Director John Wells makes all over Company Men. When he's faced with a decision between what would make for an honest story and what he thinks will generate mass audience appeal, he consistently goes for mass appeal- to his projects detriment.

Ben Affleck plays Bobby Walker. Bobby is high level executive who has the rug pulled out from under him when he is caught up in his corporations first round of unapologetic downsizing. Affleck does well in the role of the well off executive turned job seeker, as does Rosemarie DeWitt as his stay at home wife. Together their relationship serves as an expository tool for all the many paradigm shifts and uncomfortable adjustments that come with the sole bread winner losing their job. Their situation is also used to show the all to common condition of many American households; The Walker's may drive their Porsche from their huge house to their Country Club, but even the slightest hiccup in income exposes the fact that none of their possessions are owned outright. We watch them struggle not only to make ends meet but to keep their relationship healthy as egos are bruised again and again. Despite the at times ham-fisted direction, Affleck and DeWitt's chemistry can burn quite hot, more so when their forced to antagonize each other than during their conspicuous scenes of tender exchange.

If this story was the only one this movie followed, many of my complaints would be left on the cutting room floor among the pruned scenes. However, Bobby Walker's story line is only one of three that receive the most (read:only) screen time. This set off a red flag as I watched the other two stories that make up Company Men, each also being about high level executives being laid off from the same company. If this was a movie about Bobby Walker and his families struggle than I wouldn't question, but with these other two stories on board I'm forced to wonder why at least one can't take us through the struggles of an employee of this company who doesn't own a car that's worth as much as the average starter house. But this minor complaint is nothing next to the stories themselves. The first gives us Tommy Lee Jones as Gene, who serves as little more than a slow draw deus ex machina, while Chris Cooper gives a great but wasted performance as Phil Woodward- an on rails character for whom story resolution is bombastically telegraphed long before it ever comes to fruition.

Sprinkled throughout the film and used to no effectiveness are done-to-death cinema tropes hand picked to coax smiles and tears from the audience in equal measure. The most frustrating of these is the money grubbing, soulless CEO and the little independent business owner with a heart of gold. It seems that this whole movie is divided along the insinuation that all big business is the Evil Empire, while independent and small business is the Rebel Alliance. Anyone who wears a suit to work is evil and underhanded, while hard working blue collar Americans will never leave a man behind. Watching Company Men it soon becomes clear that everyone who's not a Walker is a static character with little to no use (or depth) outside of the Walker's. And just when you can't take anymore the entire thing ends with a resolution that flies in the face of reality but feels like warm blankets, and a shot of a well chosen but glaring metaphor for a struggling America.

This is a movie that I am very sad to have to say I didn't like. It feels more like a missed opportunity than anything else. Boiled down it struck (and strikes) me as a chance to tell a very poignant story at a time when people are most willing to hear it. But writing and direction that tries far to hard to stir emotions gets in the way. I expected much more from a script penned by a man with The West Wing on his writing resume but Aaron Sorkin, Wells is not. The questionable script is unable to overcome it's blemishes in the hands of an inexperienced Director. At it's heart is a strong and emotional impinging story that ends up drowning in a thousand bad calls. It's truly a shame; I was so ready to love Company Men.

Reel Deal Recommends:

Boiler Room: Ben briefly but bringing his best.

Rachel Getting Married: A good movie, a great performance from DeWitt.

Married Life: A smart film with Cooper shining out of his element.

Playing Catch Up! The Last Air Bender

In a world where certain people are gifted with the ability to control single elements- one boy may have the power to control them all and so end a war.

Growing up my family had a dog named Lisa. As a puppy, Lisa was fascinated with the stove. Being a dog she didn't really register it the way we do- as a source of heat with which to do many things. She saw- or rather smelled- it as a source of fantastic treats that she never seemed to get. No matter how much we shooed and scolded and attempted to get her to understand how dangerous the stove and the oven within it were, we couldn't change her mind. So when she got old enough, big enough, and bold enough- it was really only a matter of time until something had to give.

One Sunday morning my mom was busy preparing breakfast as she often did on weekends. Lisa, as always, was watching from the doorway (we'd eventually banned her from the kitchen altogether). As she'd done countless times before my mother, at the behest of a dinging timer, pulled a pan of freshly baked bacon from the oven and set it on the stove. Now, this next part nobody saw but we can assume it happened something like this: My mother turned her back to get done a plate to serve the bacon out of the pantry, and Lisa saw her chance. She bolted in, and attempted lick up a burning hot piece of bacon from the hot metal pan and the superheated grease it was covered in.

To this day my family calls it "The Yelp Heard 'Round the World." My brother and I came racing from opposite ends of the house to find my mother stroking the Lisa's back while she steadily drained her water dish. Once we saw that she was fine, worry soon gave way to laughter. As horrible as it may sound, the episode became just one of many fond memories we all share of that pup. Within a few minutes Lisa was back to normal, but throughout the rest of her long happy life, she never so much as glanced at the stove again.

The moral of this story is a simple one: It only took once for my dog to realize something she should never do again. How many times do the movie studios have to be burned before they stop letting M. Night Shyamalan write, produce, and direct his own movies?

The Last Air Bender is a perfect example of what happens when great ideas end up in the wholly wrong hands. From the zombie-esque performances of the three leads, to the downright terrible writing ("We'll show them that we believe in our beliefs just as much as they believe in theirs.") to the fact that water doesn't seem to soak nor fire burn, Shyamalan has now proven that he can not only poorly execute his own ideas, but he can poorly execute other people's as well. When the costumes in your big budget summer blockbuster elicit memories of SciFi Channel originals- you know something is wrong.

When they announced a live action adaptation of the beloved cartoon, I remembered thinking to myself that it would be the easiest gig in the world to take on. The cartoon had such a loyal, diverse, and devoted following- not to mention smart construction built atop a foundation of truly awesome ideas. 'You'd have to work pretty damn hard to screw this one up.' I thought to myself. Apparently Shyamalan put in the hours. If this movie were a meal, I'd spit it out. If it were a phone call, I'd hang up. I would rather re-watch The Happening then sit through another viewing of this monument to ineptitude. Somewhere there's a movie studio steadily draining it's water dish.

Playing Catch Up! Twilight Saga: Eclipse

As tensions grow between the Cullens and the Werewolf pack, an unknown mastermind plots for all out war against both.

"...A huge step up from god awful- which is exactly what the first movie was. I will say this: if the third movie improves on the second as much as the second improved on the first, then I might actually find myself looking forward to the fourth." This was how I ended my review New Moon, the second (and previous) installment in the Twilight Saga. I had walked out of the theater impressed at such an about-face in the space of one episode. I don't care how much you may hate Twilight's approximation of Nosferatu- that's an impressive feat.

Unfortunately, Eclipse ensures that there will be no streak. It's no better than New Moon. It's no worse than New Moon. To be honest, I'm not sure it wasn't New Moon. Eclipse is the cinematic equivalent of left-over night. Despite the flash and exposition, I could not be fooled out of seeing that the movie had been running at 60 mph hour, but the overall story had only moved inches. Every major arc returns exactly where it left off and proceeds to take all the steps we saw it walk in the first two movies again.

Jacob continues to pine after Bella giving speech after speech about how he'll change her mind. Bella continues to lead him on through a series of overt actions given perfunctory explanation in hopes of keeping the audience from realizing how contrived they all are. The Cullen's chase Victoria through the woods, and we are reminded that the Volturi are bad. And of course, Bella continues to follow her man's will, defying Edward only when it comes to seeking Jacob. At one point the two of them have a conversation in which they all but decide Bella's life (and death) for her. That she's sleeping in this scene is fitting, as they talk about her as though she's not even in the room.

Director David Slade's dark accolades don't do much to save the day here. In the end, this is still a majorly bloodless vampire movie. Open discussion of the fact that the Cullen's actually do hunt (wildlife) is the closest we come to any real horror. The battle scenes are all kept chaste by the fact that the vampire's all seem to be made of solid pewter. Even the most "gruesome" "deaths" are completely bloodless.

Following the lead of Harry Potter, the Twilight movies have split their last installment, making five movies out of four books. It seems to me that they could have saved themselves the extension by combining this newest episode and the last, since the former is more a less a repeat of the latter. I say, as a fan of neither franchise, that what Twilight could really learn from Harry Potter is to attempt to craft better films- even at the cost of the higher ticket sales awarded when your willing to crank out mediocre movies while your audience is still craving more teen-titillation. It seems that Twilight is happy to thrive in the box office and languish everywhere else.

A slightly delayed review of Cyrus

"It's an endless parade of horny house wives begging for your man meat."

So let's get this out of the way right now: Marissa Tomei is beautiful. I might even venture breath taking. I have no idea why she doesn't age, but as soon as she shows up on screen I find that I don;t really care. Now that we have that out of the way- on with the review.

It would seem that Cyrus, not unlike the recently reviewed Splice, is a movie of two faces: the movie they pitch in the trailer, and the movie you see in the theater. The trailer would have you believe that this a comedy of Rushmore-esque styling, where an older and younger man compete for the affection of a woman with utterly hilarious results. The actual film is something much more emotional and touching. I say this in spite of the movies opening- which not only didn't fit the themes and style of the rest of the movie, but seems almost like it was purposefully tacked on to justify the lies the trailers were telling. Luckily it pulls up quickly. And from there pleasantly surprised over and over again.

Brothers as writing and directing teams is definitely a hit or miss dynamic. With the Duplass borthers (Jay and Mark) it's a hit. The script portrays more or less genuine characters- only pushing on the outskirts to get you to see what they are trying to say. As for the headline relationship the two use brilliant editing choices and oddly intoxicating pseudo-voice overs to massage the audience into complete and total belief of the romance unfolding on screen. Within minutes I was more enthralled with this simple couple than a hundred glittery vampire love stories. Get them invested in the relationship so they are, by extension, invested in what happens to it; sounds so simple, but it is so rarely accomplished- especially this well.

The previously swooned over Tomei turns in yet another performance full of emotion and vulnerability. Where a lesser actress would play stupid she plays cozened; where a lesser actress would play weepy she plays sullen. Her performance goes hand in hand with that of John "The C. stands for cosmopolitan" Reilly. Say what you want about the man, but he rarely plays the same character twice, and even when the movie is lack luster he gives off a an air of full devotion. Only occasionally does he resort to the abrasiveness that he's come to be known for and even then it fits.

the true stand out here is Jonah Hill, who seems to be out to show the world he is more than a jester. First he gave us a truly enjoyable performance as the straight man in Get Him to the Greek, and with Cyrus he delves into a more emotional place. What he delivers is a well done but in the end timid performance. He shows that he could indeed deliver on an emotionally charged role, but I use the word "could" because he's not given much of a chance to really engage. I saw enough to know I'm curious for more though, and that has to count for something.

Walking out of the theater I over heard a couple complaining that the movie wasn't nearly as funny as Step-brothers. I felt a little pity for them, seeing as they'd obviously missed the point. They were right, however, Cyrus is is not a comedy. It is funny in the way that life can be funny- but is more interested in being heartfelt and genuine. In this it is a complete success. Fans of Talladega Nights will surely be disappointed, but there's a an incredibly enjoyable movie waiting for anyone willing to ignore the trailers.

Reel Deal Recommends:

Before the Devil Knows You're Dead: Tomei and an all-star cast.

Boogie Knights: Reilly in a much better movie than it gets credit for.

Superbad: Jonah Hill's break out role.

The Karate Kid

"Sweep the leg."

A Chinese handy man agrees to teach an American boy who's become the target of bullies how to defend (and discover) himself through martial arts.

What's the only thing more unexpected than an enjoyable 80's remake? Unlike The A-Team, my knowledge of The Karate Kid is extensive and

seen through the warm fuzzy filter of a happy childhood memory. Just like The A-team, I went into The Karate Kid open to anything, but expecting very little- and came out quite surprised. So, what's the only thing more unexpected than an enjoyable 80's remake? Two in a row. But this one does much more to earn my acclaim than manage not to be bad, it seems it may very well have managed to bottle the lighting.

They would have you believe this is a whole new movie. 'The familiar is gone! This isn't just a remake, it's a reinvention!' they say. But that, my friends, is a filthy lie. Gone are Daniel and Mr. Miyagi, it's true. And a move fr

om New Jersey to California has become a one from Detroit to China. Under these very obvious changes, however, is a remake that spiritually follows the original with a nigh unheard of faithfulness. I would guess that Director Harald Zwart is a fan of the 1984 motion picture, he certainly handles the material like one.

While small the cast is strong, going out of their way to carry scenes that- in true Karate Kid fashion- are so completely full of sentiment that you wonder how they fit anything else in the frame. Of all the leads, Jackie Chan seems to be having the most fun. He plays the curmudgeon Mr. Haan so well that had I never seen him smile before, I'd probably believe that he never had. He manages to arrive at the end of the film with the audiences love deservedly heaped upon him. Conversely, Taraji Henderson is both spot-on and all but wasted, as

she is far to often. She reaps her revenge when she snaps up one of the biggest laughs of the movie.

As Dre (Daniel) Parker, Jaden Smith proves many things, one of them unfortunately being that he lacks his father's flare for comedy. Fed line after line of genuinely funny material (perhaps even at Will Smith's behest; He and mother Jada Pinkett Smith produced), Jaden struggles to deliver- shining instead in moments of high drama. That he can stand toe to toe with Henderson and hold up his end of the scene is enough to prove that. Even with out the laughs Jaden Smith proves himself here, showing his first and very impressive flashes of leading man material.

I will admit that Kung Fu is far more beautiful than Karate in my eyes, and this film only reinforces my belief. Add that to rather impressive fight choreography and you have one place I would easily choose the new over the old. But unlike Avildsen's original outing, Zwart wastes most of his beautiful martial arts on camera work that makes it all but moot. I often found myself wishing I could see what was going on but the shots given were tight and stifling, leaving me to imagine that something cool must have happened rather than actually letting me see it for myself. This alone comes up far short of what it would need to hurt the over all experience, but still- it's a lesson directors need to learn.

Something Zwart does very well, however, is balance the obvious cultural inferences of location and cast. He manages to impress upon the audience a sense of China's majesty and culture, without making the movie feel like a public service announcement, and at the same time, managing to side step pot holes full of stereo-types. In terms of race, Zwart gets the viewer to at once stare at it, and pay it no mind; no easy feat. The truth is that boiled down this is a story where a gang of Chinese kids repeatedly attacks the only black kid in the movie, just as the original pitted our dark haired, olive skinned "hero" against an Aryan main "villain". The story could easily be lost here in the wrong hands. But amid a myriad of moments reminding you that these are young men who are not devoid of conscience (just as in the original:"I'm sorry David, I'm sorry!"), Zwart keeps the focus where it belongs, (re)weaving instead a tale about the affect teachers have on their pupils, for better or for worse.

So, does the new Karate Kid work? Well, I saw it more than a week after i

t was released, early on a Sunday afternoon- and the house was still near full. In the audience were Karate kid veterans and new comers alike, all of which burst into cheers and applause at the end of that fated martial arts tournament. I will freely admit that this was easily the most uplifting movie I've seen in theaters in a long, long time- but I wouldn't pin it all on Zwart and company. I think that the success of The Karate Kid is not as much about the fine movie Zwart has crafted as it is a reflection of the universally accessible story it's built around. The same thing that made the original a classic for my generation, will very likely earn it the same treatment for this one.

The Reel Deal Recommends:

Rumble in the Bronx: A Jackie Chan must see.

Smokin' Aces: Far too little of Henderson in a great action meal.

The Pursuit of Happyness: A great victory story starring Smith Sr. and Jr.

I just thought this picture was hilarious.

A review of the A-Team, from someone who knows next to nothing about the series.

"I love that show! ...Is that the one with the genie?"

A covert operations team searches for answers after they're convicted of a crime they didn't commit.

My entire awareness of The A-Team as a television series is having it's theme song memorized from when I was a little kid and my father would fall asleep with the T.V. on. He wasn't watching The A-Team, mind you; he was watching old Mission Impossible episodes. But after back to back burning fuses that red and black van would come roaring into view- and I would again be bored to tears. And there you have it, everything I know about The A-Team. Luckily, as a motion picture it manages to be a bit more memorable.

Through what may very well be one of the longest opening sequences in action movie history we are re/introduced to our team members: Hannibal, Face, Murdock, and B.A. Baracus- played by Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Sharlto Copely and Quinton Jackson, respectively. All find there way to shine -even Jackson, who's no Oscar winner but proves impressive for a U.F.C. Title-holder-turned-actor. The most interesting performance is, by far, Copely's. More important than the fact that it's highly entertaining, this role serves as elegant proof that his spectacular debut in last years hit District 9 was far from a fluke.

That the characters are the whole reason for this movie is a fact that shines like a beacon from it's first moment to the roll of the credits. No matter how over the top the action- and believe me, it's over- the people manage not to get lost in the shuffle, er, explosions. This I attribute to director Joe Carnahan, who proved with his well crafted actioner Smokin' Aces, and the dark and gritty Narc, that he's well aware action is no substitute for story- even if it's only enough story to justify the aforementioned action. The A-team manages to never come up short on booms, while still keeping us interested in the people behind them. No easy feat.

A television adaptation is tricky buisness -I think we've all seen how bad they can go (*cough* My Favorite Martian *cough*)-and while the The A-team is well done, it's far from innocent. Listening to Jackson drop 'Fool' after 'Fool' while desperately trying not to sound like Mr. T gets old very fast, though in his defence the plot takes care of that soon after. It's almost like the writers knew they couldn't get away with leaving something like that out, so they got it all out of the way right off the bat and then never looked back. Other Series throw-backs are delivered with more subtlety, and spaced across the film so as not to arouse too much suspicion, a fact I am very thankful for.

The A-team offers little to challenge the mind, it's true. But why would it? This movie is meant to be a good time, and in this it succeeds. I was in for a very big surprise when I sat down in my seat, and for what it's worth The A-Team gets my vote for best "Summer Blockbuster" yet this year... And I'd just like to mention how much I did not expect to be saying this. I have my doubts about how long it could manage to hold on to the title with so many heavy-hitters yet to hit the field, but for now it's in the lead. Whether it's short lived as king of the hill or not, The A-Team is back and, as far as I'm concerned, better than ever. But then, how could I hate it with Major Dad on the roster.

Reel Deal Recommends:

(I tried to walk away from this section but my heart just couldn't let go)

Darkman: Liam Neeson in a movie worth watching if only to have seen it.

Midnight Meat Train: Cooper and Jackson star; Oddity makes it worthy.

District 9: If you haven't seen it yet, do yourself a favor.

Get Him to the Greek

"It kind of reminded me of a dark, gothic, Neil Diamond."

A meek record company intern is tasked with corralling an outrageous British rock star and delivering him to a show that could single-handedly make both of their careers.

By now we all know what you do when you assume... But all the same I have to admit some assumptions that I made. When I first found out about Get Him to the Greek and realized that the rock star in question was none other than Aldous Snow, the fictional mega music star from Forgetting Sarah Marshall, I made my first assumption: That Jason Segel wrote this movie as well. I've made no secret of my love of Segel's work, so under this assumption- my excitement piqued. Though Segel co-produced, I soon discovered that it was in fact written by Nicholas Stoller, who directed both movies. It was here, in my fan-boy-esque disappointment, that I made my second assumption: That because it was not written by Segel, it wouldn't be nearly as funny.

And that children, is why we don't assume. Though it can't come through on the same amount of poignant moments, I don't think Get Him to the Greek was ever supposed to. Stoller's goal is obvious and simple: pipe as much unadulterated Aldous Snow into the audiences face as possible, and give him a straight man side-kick to balance out the diet. This is exactly what he does- and he does it well. "Over the top" seems like a a misdiagnosis here. I would say instead that this movie was made under the assertion that there is no top.

This spiritual sequel follows in the footsteps of it's predecessor, lampooning the entertainment industry and celebrity culture. Not only does it knowingly jab at the ridiculous lives we encourage our celebrities to lead, but also how out of hand the pop music industry as grown. At one point we hear the "album version" of Infant Sorrow's track 'Let's Get Fucked', and then the radio version: 'Let's Have Fun'. These are the sort of jokes that work the best for me- and Get Him to the Greek is full of them.

As a straight man, Jonah Hill shows he still works, letting Brand and Elisabeth Moss -and in one scene my beloved Colm Meaney- dominate him, to hilarious result. While this is a chain of impressively strong links, by far the most surprising performance comes from Sean Combs (I'm sorry, I just don't think I can seriously refer to a grown man as 'Diddy'), who manages to turn what one might think is going to be a cameo into a decent (in rapper-turned-actor terms that reads: 'Oscar Worthy') and entertaining performance. The entire movie quickly becomes Jonah Hill's character in front of a firing squad, and as it turns out- all the rifleman are crack shots.

My biggest complaints come in the form of the transitions. While all of the set-pieces are hilarious, the set-ups aren't always that strong. At times you can feel the movie struggle to get to where you know it wants to be. It's kind of like a child sledding- getting back to the top of the hill can be grueling, but the pay off is worth it. The bigger the hill, the better the ride, the worse the set up. And then there's the fact the vomit money-shots still just aren't funny to me. I'm starting to feel like maybe I'm the only one... But neither of these things is enough to ruin the movie, especially since the vomit humor is pretty short-lived.

Get Him to the Greek is not a movie for everyone, this much I know. I think the simplest way to tell whether your in or out would be to think back. If you thought Aldous Snow was a hilarious secondary character in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, then this movie could be right up your alley. If even in the background he was still a bit much for you, or just plain wasn't funny, then I can't imagine Russel Brand sans collar and leash is something you should bother spending your money on. As for me, I laughed loud, and I laughed often. With a movie like this I think that has to be enough.

Watcher X says: "That was ridiculous... They did everything right."

Video Five!!

No, you didn't mis-read the title. The Video Five!! is an idea I've been batting around for a while now. So when the subject Impressive Eaters came around (inspired by an odd dream I had a couple weeks back) it seemed like the kind of list that was better seen in action than explained in text. And so here we are, five of my favorite gastrically talented beasties.

This is a first attempt so please, be gentle. And while I will definitely be doing more in the future, this is not a complete over haul of Five!! in general. Most will continue to come to you in the standard text/image form. But every once in a while, with a particularly apt subject...

Viewer Warning: It wasn't until I really got into making this Five!! that I realized just how much the subject lends itself to gore. While not pervasive, there are certainly a handful of gruesome images within the following video. If your the sort who lacks the intestinal fortitude for such imagery please refrain from watching, and I promise I'll make it up to you with a more universal topic in the next Video Five!! My apologies.

Honorable Mentions:

The Glutton, Se7en

While certainly a rather impressive eater, he dies in the end because he is unable to stomach his meal. Most unimpressive in my opinion.

Devastator, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Quality of the movie aside, his intake is quite impressive. However, not only does he not swallow the massive amount of sand he hoovers in (distributing it from vents in his back instead), but the one time he does actually try to "eat" something, he not only can't swallow it, but gets a hole in his face for the trouble.

So what do you think, did I miss any of your favorite buffet masters? Sadly after I completed the video I realised that I had left out one of the most impressive eaters of all, The Blob! *Sigh,nobody's perfect.

Splice

"We can keep her."

Two cutting edge geneticists attempt a final experiment before the autonomy of their lab is reascended, and knowingly open Pandora's box.

Perhaps the first thing I should write in this review is a warning: If you plan on seeing this movie but haven't yet, do not read this or any other review before doing so. Now let the review begin.

The trailers are telling you that Splice is just waiting to to be the next Alien, a horror thriller that will keep you up at night with fear of what's crawling through your air ducts. The trailers are lying to you. What your in for with Splice is a much more mental (and disturbing) experience. One that's razor sharp in every form of the word.

At it's core, Splice is a story about the appalling things we're capable of doing to those whom we deem less than human. Layered on top, is a subtly and expertly navigated exploration of at times enviable and at times dark as night family dynamics. Behind all of this is Director Vincenzo Natali, who co-wrote with Antionette Terry Bryant and Doug Taylor, looking every line he comes to dead on before happily crossing them. As a result Splice is a double-edged sword: the very qualities that will win it critical praise, will almost certainly cost it hearts and minds in theater.

Sarah Polley and Adrian Brody burn bright as the scientist in question, holding little back. They alone are the pieces that keep the movie together when it looses it's footing occasionally as it moves along. The entire movie is left to them to sell, even in the midst of it's longest reaches, and they come through time and time again.

The film plays like an Indy film, which is closer to what it was meant to be before it was (surprisingly) picked up for major distribution- something that Producer Guillermo del Toro had a hand in no doubt. As I said before, there is only the slightest hint of a traditional monster movie here- despite veiled references to Shelly's Frankenstein. But, on second thought, Frankenstein may be a good comparison as it too comes from a source that means only to explore the concept of humanity but gets boiled down to popcorn fair.

Unfortunately, one thing Splice has in common with it's jump-scare brethren is that it is much stronger in theory than in execution. Looking beyond the screen it's easy to see Natali's vision. It seems at times that he is too lost in it to remember to show it to us. I'm not one for having my hand held- but there are times where it feels like Natali forgot to tell us something. The info is there, it's not like the movie is broken, but at the same time it seems it would have served itself better with a little more explanation in places.

Even lacking the manufactured thriller elements in the trailers, Splice is still not a movie for the timid. The emotionally skittish need not apply, and if your not sure whether that means you- then it does. That it's a thing unlike most others goes without saying, and one can only hope that it earns enough money to tell the studios that the general public is ready for movies this smart. For all it's faults, Splice is still a beautiful, and horrible, creation.